The Human Condition. Or, you are all cunts.

There isn't much point in me writing, or even you reading this as you are all cunts and not worth the effort, however, it's in my head so I'm going to inflict upon you some of my more pressing thoughts and concerns. Love it or hate it, I couldn't care less. It's up to you how you go about dealing with it. I will start off by stating for the record, that I am both a hypocrite and a cunt. Now when you don't like what you read you can't say I didn't warn you.

On a very basic level, I believe that the human race are just a bunch of cunts (yes, I have managed to fit that word in three times already. Which is good because it's a very descriptive word and saying it always makes me feel better) but there are many levels to this cuntishness. First off are the general populace. Arrogant, rude, unsympathetic, big headed, self righteous world abusers who walk about throwing money away on trivial nonsense, squandering the precious little time they have on being incredibly selfish and developing the misguided belief that they are actually important in some way. I am guilty of all of the above and despite recognising that I am like this, I can't seem to do anything about it, which I believe makes me even worse. Is this just a natural part of the Human Condition? Our race, the plague of this beautiful planet? Perhaps. It also begs the question of the course of our evolution, staring way back when we lived in caves killing animals and mooched about the land stealing the fruit from the trees.

We were a race of arseholes even back then, but fairly blameless I think as we were born purely to further the species and in order to do that, we need the fuel that drives our bodies. Unfortunately for the animals they are easily and quite handily processed by our alien, parasitic bodies into energy. Same with fruit and veg, but that is probably only around to be eaten. Isn't it? All very simple so far and very animalistic, as is our nature. But then one day, the first signs of the Human Condition start to appear in the form of laziness. Rather than going out hunting or mooching about fruit picking, some hairy fucker just decides he can't be arsed and would rather swap his new child for a pig because it's easier than sweating, chasing the fat pink bastard around the hulu for a half hour (though at this point I doubt he knew what a half hour was). Hey presto. Trade is born, and with it, all the worlds evils. The state that the planet is in now stems from some hairy arsehole millennia ago being a lazy cunt. The dirty little fucking bastard. If I could go back in time I would give him a right kicking. But then, they were all hard bastards back then so that might not go down too well. Anyway, on with the show. Laziness begets laziness and all that and before you know it, all the caves in the local area are swapping wives for goats, children for pigs, goats and pigs for cows and so on. What a set of lazy bastards.

As if that's not bad enough, some even lazier bugger decides that he can't be bothered leading his goats, pigs and cows round to the next cave so picks up a stone and goes round there and says 'Ey up mucker. Give me a couple of your sheep and I'll give you this stone I just picked up. Doesn't sound like a great deal but after the sheep have made baby sheep and I've slaughtered and eaten them with my slightly bigger, sharper stone on a stick, you can come round to my place, give me the stone back and I'll give you your two sheep back. You never know, our lass might even make you a brew and some of that lovely animal skin and twig cake you like so much'. This Lazy fecker just invented currency, or cash as we used to call it in old money.

Problem is, this created other problems. One of them being that the nice hairy chap who got given the stone has a think and comes up with the idea that having more stones could be beneficial to the long term survival of himself and Mrs Hairy as long as he can get a couple of sheep for each one. Maybe three pigs even. Mmmm. Pig pieces hotted up over the yellow burny thingemy. Tasty. Guess what? Mr Hairy just invented greed. And gluttony. Can you see where this is leading? Good because that's probably going to save me some effort down the line (see, I'm doing it again. Being lazy, recognising it and doing nothing about it).

Years pass and lots of stuff is invented. One day some geezer who is slightly less hairy than Mr Hairy decides he can't be bothered picking up a heavy stone and taking it round to the guy down the dirt track who now makes a living by selling animals and bits of animals for stones, so he takes a bit of skin and some burnt wood and draws a picture of a stone on it and takes that instead. Nice and light this eh? He gets there and says to yon fella, 'This picture of a stone is worth a stone if you ever come round to my gaff to collect. I'll have two sheep please'. Now hold on. He want's two sheep for a picture of a stone? Is this guy for fucking real or what? The picture of a stone is even more worthless than the stone it's depicting, and that stone is worthless anyway because it was once used as a promise of two sheep but it was the promise that was meaningful, not the bloody stone. The stone has no value because it's.. well... a fucking stone for crying out loud!

Time passes. Things are invented. Stones are replaced with metal and that with paper and everyone now uses pictures to represent sheep, goats, pigs, cows or whatever else they are after. Welcome to the modern world where once, a rather lazy but actually quite clever hairy man had what he thought was a good idea, and now people steal from each other and kill each other for bits of paper with pictures on that are just bits of paper with pictures on. They only hold value in our minds. In the real world outside of our 'societies' or groups of brick built caves, they are absolutely meaningless. The world at this point is full of the sort of cunts that will lie, cheat, steal and kill for these pictures, which brings me onto the second level of cuntishness.

People in power. It says in the good book that the love of money is the root of many evils. Or words to that effect. People in power like to have dominion over the lesser cunts of the world and these people generally are really evil cunts because they have lied, cheated, stolen and in many cases killed to get where they are, but not on an individual level. These fuckers do it on an international level involving the lives of billions of people. Some are there because they are good at swindling and some are there because they are good at lying. Or worse.

The ones that are there for their skills in the black art of stealing our money by making us think we are giving it to them for safe keeping do so with the promise that they can somehow get more money for us, which just feeds our greed, making us want more. Now at this point, I think I have established that greed is a bad thing and is one of the prime suspects in making us a bunch of cunts, however, we still think it's okay to want more (Human Condition). Then there are the good liars. 'Vote for us and we will represent your thoughts and beliefs in a big posh building filled with evil bastards who will decide how you will conduct your lives, whilst being paid a ridiculous wad of cash each year for the privilege'. I beg your pardon? I don't remember that being broadcast in the last election campaign. These people dictate (in some instances, quite literally) how we go about living our lives (surely it's just a case of breathing, eating, drinking and making baby us's isn't it?), and their decisions cost us money. Lots of money. So now we need more of it just to live, and if we are greedy and want to live 'comfortably', we want even more of it still. We are greedy cunts ruled by even greedier, evil cunts. If we disobey our ruling cunts, we are locked away or deaded. Not good for moral.

These rules, or laws as we know them, form the nature of our society so that we can supposedly live in peace with each other. Personally, I don't see the point because I hate you all and don't wish to be part of the same world as you horrible lot. Tough luck on my part eh? Anyway, the societies we have formed were originally supposed to have been based on the ten commandments or ten pretty reasonable suggestions as I think of them. These commandments apparently came direct from god to another guy with a beard, though not living on a cloud in the sky. This brings me onto the third level of cuntishness.

God. This bit is really going to piss a lot of people off. If he exists, God is the biggest cunt of all. He made the world and made us in his image. Says a lot right there doesn't it? He then allowed the evolution of both us and the grey matter that lives inside the round thing on top of our other slightly bigger and fairly round thing (just me?), or, our brain as some boffins refer to it. The brain is a complex and disgusting thing. All meaty and horrible but with the ability to make us aware. Genius! Erm... no. In our species it comes with the added insult of making us self aware and with that, being aware of our own mortality. The dirty fucking Jew. Now this worries the believers much less than the non believers because the believers are all going to go and live on a cloud with God and great, great, great, great granny Cunty McFuckbag when they die. The non believers are going to be eaten by worms and slowly decompose to nothingness over the course of around a hundred millennia, depending on which part of the world they are buried in. Not a particularly nice thought when you think of it that way is it?

What is even less nice is that when you get to the stage of your irrelevant life where you start to lose friends and family quicker than making them, you start to realise that this horrible fate actually awaits you personally and that despite all the bollocks about 'ooh, they went peacefully in their sleep', it's probably going to be quite a painful and distressing time for you. It's really not going to go well in all truth. And then that's it. Forever. And that is a fucking long time. By crickey, when I come to think of it, the seventy or eighty years I might have on this planet if I'm lucky is actually not a very long time at all. Shit. Better start doing stuff while the going is good. Sound familiar? I hope so because it means that actually, there is some hope for you. Fear is a wonderful motivational tool, so good in fact, it can almost stop you from being a cunt.

Anyway, getting back to God. The big twat in the sky. Having made us aware of all this doom and gloom, the evil fuck then gives us a pathetic ray of hope in either of two forms. First, for the believers there is the hope that they will, at the end of their miserable existences, spend the rest of forever partying with God and trying to grow a better beard than him. Then for the non believers, an even crueler lie awaits them. Life extension through medical science. The human body is genetically designed to last about sixty years (or 420 dog years – bonus). That's not very long so the boffins have come up with a way to keep us alive by an extra twenty years on average through dictating what we eat and stuff. It's a shame that those last twenty years are spent in even greater misery than the first sixty, but we all clamour to have them anyway. Pointless because we are still going to die. And we know it. Cheers boffins and God for that great ray of sunshine. Pricks.

So, all that is the case if he exists. What if he doesn't? Well, that in my opinion just makes him an even bigger cunt.

Then there is Stephen Hawking. He is a bigger cunt even than God. That twat says that Time didn't exist before the Big Bang. Is he a retard or something? Read it back and you will see that he just quantified Time existing then by saying BEFORE. Before means prior to, which refers to a time scale, hence Time. Go fuck yourself Stephen Hawking!

For those of you now despairing at the cunty state of things to come, don't. I have a theory that you probably won't like so much but you will realise that actually, it's probably true. I'll get onto that later though. As long as I don't die and have to spend eternity partying with some Jew with a crap beard before I get around to writing it.