What a bunch of cunts!

Well, where to start with this one? I've got lots to get off my chest today about the cuntishness of the world and it's populace of zombified, automatous herd animals known as 'the general public' and their unthinking, uncaring and narrow minded behaviour.

I'm going to start with the idiots that drive around on public roads thinking that it's okay to be in their own little world whilst supposedly being in control of a potentially lethal machine, and then not giving a fuck when it all goes horribly wrong. The other day I got knocked off my bike by one of these incompetent morons and it's only through the keen eyed reactions of someone who was paying attention that I'm not dead. Now I know that riding motorbikes is one of those things that comes with a massive amount of risk and that, no matter how good you are, you can't always prevent accidents from happening, but I do believe that with appropriate training and a sensible head you can minimise the risks and hopefully avoid the serious stuff that many bikers find themselves neck deep in through poor riding. Most of the time. Sometimes, shit just happens and you get unlucky.

The other day, a friend and I set out for a ride to a local place for a brew and a flapjack and we hit traffic fairly quickly so began filtering. Now, many people think that filtering is illegal and will actively try to stop you from doing so (often with disastrous results), so if you are one of the people who thinks this, let me just say that filtering is actually perfectly legal, and although there are times when it might not be sensible and although there are rules dictating the use of filtering, it isn't your job to stop someone doing something that is legal just because you don't want them getting in front of you. It is stupid beyond reason and potentially lethal to pull out on a filtering motorcyclist. I'm a firm believer in 'Safety first, fun second', so I tend to stick to the rules when riding and especially when filtering through traffic.

We pulled out from behind a long queue of stationary and very slow moving traffic and started to pass by only a few miles per hour faster than the slow movers, giving ourselves plenty of room by using the area of diagonal white stripes bordered by broken white lines (again, perfectly legal and safe if used correctly). The purpose of the said road markings are to protect traffic turning right, and just ahead of us, we could see one of the right turns they were protecting. Knowing this and knowing that the afore mentioned turn is in fact a very busy one, my friend and I (me leading) kept our speed low and continued to scan the traffic to our left for signs of people pulling out from the flow of traffic at the last minute. Before continuing with my train of thought here, let me just point out that the correct procedure to turn right here is to check your mirrors, signal, another check of the mirrors including your blind spot then pull across ONTO the white markings, effectively positioning yourself correctly for the turn. When there is a gap in oncoming traffic, you repeat the process again before making the turn. This means that if you are turning into the junction we were approaching, you should be positioned in the white markings in plenty of time before the turn. There were no cars in the white markings, no drivers signalling their intention to turn right, nobody checking mirrors and none of the vehicles wheels were angled for making a turn. Basically, no signs of impending doom. Then it all went tits up. As I passed the rear panel of the silver car I was filtering past, the driver suddenly decided that he needed to make the turn. He pulled out from the flow of traffic, putting his indicators on as he did so whilst I was passing. He wasn't attempting to move into the white area, but was in fact making the turn without checking mirrors, blind spot or anything else. Because I was already in the process of passing him when he made his decision, it resulted in him driving straight into me.

As soon as his car touched my bike, the front went from under me and I went down. It still took him a second or so after this for him to apply his brakes, meaning that I was pushed completely onto the wrong side of the road and into the path of oncoming traffic whilst being trapped underneath my bike. Luckily, the oncoming driver was paying attention and stopped in good time. I was later informed that the previous day, exactly the same thing happened to another biker in exactly the same spot, but the cement mixer coming the other way didn't manage to stop, resulting in a dead and horribly squished man. (R.I.P unknown biker). Think about that for a minute because everybody is guilty of not checking before turning at some point in their lives. The lack of effort on the car drivers part because he was in a bit of a rush, resulted in the tragic and quite horrific loss of another human beings life. That is forever. That man may have had a wife and kids at home and he will never, ever take another breath again for the rest of eternity. He's dead. Because of an unthinking moment.

Needless to say, I thanked my lucky stars that I lived and at the time, felt completely uninjured. I kicked myself out from underneath the bike, then with the help of a massive and instant dose of adrenaline, I managed to pick it up and my friend and I wheeled it out of the way whilst we sorted everything out. A dispute (not exactly an argument) then took place where the knob who hit me tried to tell me it wasn't his fault because he was turning right. Ummm... and? He still drove his car into my motorbike, not the other way round. When I told him (as well as others telling him the same thing) that he needs to start checking his mirrors and blind spot because motorcyclist are extremely vulnerable, he said, and I quote 'Even if I had checked my mirrors, you were already passing me so I wouldn't have seen you anyway, would I'. It was at this point that if I had been in possession of a machete, the world would have been home to yet another dismembered corpse. The audacity of it stunned me. Blatantly admitting that you didn't check your mirrors before manoeuvring, then blaming the person you hit for you hitting them? What the fuck is that about? Anyway, it's all going through the insurance and it looks like my bike is going to be written off. All I have to say to the guy, and all of the idiot drivers out there that are like him, is, you are all cunts! CUNTS! CUNTS! CUNTS!

A few days later and with me feeling very sore (after the adrenaline wore off I felt like I had been hit by a train) it came time to attend another friends wedding (yes, I have more than one friend! Unbelievable aint it?). These things get me wound up at the best of times because I don't see the point in spending literally a fortune on one day, when said day is actually pretty meaningless. It's your married life that is important, not the celebration of the day you get married. I just don't see the point in getting into massive debt so that you can pay for every fucker else to eat and drink for one fucking day?! My wedding day cost £175, that's the actual wedding and the meal afterwards. And we didn't even pay for the meal, so it cost us £75 and was one of the most enjoyable weddings I have ever been to.

Anyway, this wedding the other day was worse than all the rest, because I was the best man, which for a misanthropic, antisocial wanker like me, means a lot of stress. The wedding actually went very well and I have to congratulate the Bride and Groom on their commitment to a new life as Husband and Wife. I even managed to get through my speech okay despite having had a few drinks. Needless to say, coming from me, it wasn't the usual run of the mill best mans speech filled with cheap jokes and meaningless one liners, but instead contained a moral story that resulted in a number of women actually crying. I don't just mean wet eyes here, but actually sobbing. Result! The men thought it wasn't upto much but that's because they are all heartless bastards who were expecting wise cracks. But it wasn't written for them, it was written for the groom and he seemed to genuinely like it and be moved by it. If I find out that he was lying later on, I can always break his legs :)

Anyhoo, onto the whinging. It is simply unbelievable what gluttonous lengths people go to (me included) at weddings. Eating and drinking to the point of being ill and making themselves look like complete arseholes. A wedding is supposed to be a celebration of two people being joined in holy (or legal) matrimony and is not an excuse for self indulgent behaviour that shows the worst of human nature at every given opportunity. Whilst I was sat outside I had a number of conversations. Some of them quite amusing and others just insulting. Diversity doesn't just mean being accepting of other peoples religious views or ethnicity. It means being accepting of other people, full stop. I don't care if you don't like how I think. I accept that everyone else in the world is different than I am, and I appreciate that it's a good thing. I don't particularly appreciate being told that I'm a cunt because I'm different to you. Yes, I am a cunt, and yes, I am different to you, but I am not a cunt BECAUSE I am different. I am a cunt because I do and say cuntish things. So to almost everyone who spoke to me in the courtyard, and to the world in general, You are all cunts! There are a lot of other cunts in the world but I'll get around to them in good time.

World, go fuck yourself!

Also: