You Sir, are a fat cunt!

I watched Embarrassing Fat Bodies the other and was thoroughly repulsed by the rather nasty sights of filthy bodily infections of the morbidly obese. Now I'm not skinny or even thin, and until fairly recently I was obese. Im now just into the overweight category and very nearly at an actual healthy weight, so I feel reasonable well suited to comment on these fatties. It pisses me off something chronic when these fat fucks moan about not being able to lose weight and blaming their severe bodily inflations on being raped as a child or having an alcoholic parent or being ginger or something. I'm not being funny here, and yes, I know that being ginger and to a lesser extent being raped or being the child of a piss head are terrible afflictions to have to bare for the remainder of your life, but they do not make you fat. Eating 30 ice creams a day or 10 pies a day and not doing any exercise makes you fat. Drinking hot chocolate like water and eating Tangfastics (lush) then sitting on your arse makes you fat. Surprisingly, adding one chocolate biscuit a day to your diet without exercise is enough to add a stone in a year, so that will make you fat. The simple truth is that you don't need to diet or even eat healthily, you certainly don't need diet pills and by no means do you need weight loss surgery to shift that lard. You just need to burn more calories than you consume. It's science and it works. Trust me. What that basically means is that to stop being a fat cunt, go for a run rather than eating your 17th portion of Haddock. If you can't run, go for a walk. If you are so super morbidly obese that you can't even take a step unaided, buy an arm bicycle or a long rubber tube and use that to start exercising.

I heard the other day that childhood obesity is now at thirty 33% of the child population and that adult obesity is up by 400% over the last ten years. Obesity costs the NHS, and by that I mean costs me and you by the means of our tax pounds, £9 billion per year. To put this into context, if you spent £1 every single second, after 32 years you would have only spent £1 billion! A gastric band operation costs on average £10,000. Why the fuck should we pay for that when running is free and eating less would actually save the fat cunt some money? On top of that, after the operation they will probably carry on eating and cheating and just get fatter. In that case these people should just be taken out the back and shot like a diseased cow. Fuck em the fat cunts. They're a drain on the economy and blatant oxygen thieves.

As a former 'proper fat bastard', I can tell you now that losing the weight is an entirely mental battle. Once you change the way you think about food and exercise, it's relatively easy to shed the pounds or stone and no matter what excuses people give about why it isn't working, it's because they are excuses and they are lying to themselves. By all means, eat as much as you like, just do the appropriate amount of exercise to go with it and you will start shrinking. So, to all you fatties out there that are lying to yourselves, I would like to say, You Sir, are a Fat Cunt!

Any of you fatties that are working to get rid of the weight and seeing success, fucking well done. It's a bloody good effort and keep it up. Be the example. Be the shining beacon to lead our overweight nation out of the darkness. To all the former fatties who are now fitties, We Salute You!